


Emails From Co-Workers

by cacowhistle, Pseudonym_Writer, residentedgelord, RJMeta



Series: Paranatural Gay Fest [1]
Category: Paranatural (Webcomic)
Genre: Emails, M/M, super fuckin gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 11:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13546320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cacowhistle/pseuds/cacowhistle, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pseudonym_Writer/pseuds/Pseudonym_Writer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/residentedgelord/pseuds/residentedgelord, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJMeta/pseuds/RJMeta
Summary: An RP between me (Shizukana2203) and Void (residentedgelord) over in the PNAT RP Discord. I'm Spender, they're Garcia.





	Emails From Co-Workers

Dear Mr. Richard Spender, 

I really hope you’ll be staying the night. Perhaps you’ll watch My Little Pony this time, instead of cockblocking me like last time. Like seriously, who does that? 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah Garcia. 

ps don’t kill me thank you.

\---

Dear Mr Noah Garcia,

No.

Also, yes I will be staying. I hope you still have those tiny lemon tarts.

Sincerely, Mr Richard Spender.

ps what have you done now

\---

Dear Mr. Richard Suspender, 

Why do you insist on hurting me this way? 

Of course I have those tiny lemon tarts, I always do. I don't know why I wouldn't have them. I live off of candy, we know this. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah Garcia. 

ps go ahead and guess.

\---

Dear Mr Noah Garcia,

Because we have work in the morning.

Also, are you aware you put my name as being "Mr. Richard Suspender" in your last email?

Sincerely, Mr Richard Spender.

ps oh god please tell me you didn't kill someone.

\---

Dear Mr. Dickard Spender, 

Visit me anyway, you piece of shit. I'm lonely and I can't afford to fall asleep. 

And yes. Yes I am. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah Garcia. 

ps thankfully, not yet. try again.

\---

Dear Mr Noah Garchomp,

Really? "Dickard"? Are you sure you ever grew up?

If you insist upon name calling I shall have to retaliate.

And I will come, but I'm bringing my own entertainment. Your taste in cartoons is, quite frankly, terrible.

Sincerely, Mr Richard Spender

ps "not yet"?????

\---

Dear Mr. Richard "Poor Taste in Humor" Spender, 

We both know that I didn't. 

Seriously, "Garchomp"? Is that the best you can do? 

And fuck you too. What would you consider "entertainment"? 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah Garcia. 

ps i'm joking i'm not planning on killing anyone anytime soon. unless someone gets on my nerves.

\---

"Dear Mr Wooden Boat Owner Garcia,

I am choosing to disregard your blatant impoliteness. To answer your question, the original Teen Titans. It's art style is a far cry better than your putrile garbage.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "Best Taste in Humor" Spender.

ps "someone" could be literally anyone we know. you're gonna have to be more specific.

\---

Dear Mr. "Can't Suck Dick Right" Spender, 

Thank god you didn't choose Teen Titans Go, I would've killed you. For someone who normally has poor taste in everything, I'm proud of you choosing something good for once. 

But, fuck you again, My Little Pony is amazing. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah "Better Taste in Humor Than His Dick of a Boyfriend" Garcia. 

ps "someone" means anyone of our coworkers, or any of the students.

\---

Dear Mr "I Float Down a River to School" Garcia,

Oh, God no. Teen Titans Go is even more putrile garbage than your show. And hey, fuck you. I have good taste in things.

So are we on for tonight then? I want to know if I have to buy 17 bags of jelly beans or not.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "I Don't Reuse Jokes" Spender.

ps okay that's understandable then.

\---

Dear Mr. "Doesn't Know What He's Talking About" Spender, 

That's shocking, since you seem to be insistent on calling my show the worst one. 

Yes, we're on for tonight. And there's no need to buy 17 bags of jelly beans, since I already have a bunch, but by all means, go ahead. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah "My Favorite Word Isn't 'Putrile', Which Isn't Even a Real Word" Garcia. 

ps thank god you agree with me on that.

\---

Dear Mr "I Call Others Out on Their Bad Spelling Even Though I Can't Spell Wednesday" Garcia,

You do? Oh good, I won't have to spend the rest of this month's salary then.

I will, however, be bringing coffee. You never have enough. If you're nice to me I may even get some of your favorite creamer.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "If It Wasn't a Word Before, It Is Now" Spender.

ps of course, have you seen the way our colleagues leave the staffroom coffee maker? disgusting.

\---

Dear Mr. "Spells Putride as 'Putrile'" Spender, 

I apologize that I'm too lazy to make my own damn coffee sometimes. Starbucks tastes good. 

What would you consider to be "nice"? 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah "Why Did They Spell Wednesday Like That" Garcia. 

ps yeah it's pretty gross.

\---

Dear Mr "Spells Putrid as Putrile" Garcia,

Starbucks is disgusting. They ruin the coffee with all that sugar and syrup.

You letting me pick the movie for once, maybe?

Sincerely, Mr Richard "I Can Spell Every Week Day" Spender.

ps someone put sugar in with the coffee. i had to spend half an hour cleaning the damn thing afterward just to get rid of the gunk.

\---

Dear Mr. "Bad at Insults" Spender, 

Alright, I'm not white nor a girl. I don't put THAT much sugar and syrup in my orders. 

Perhaps I will, depending on what it is. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah "I'm a Science Teacher, Not an English Teacher" Garcia. 

ps i am so sorry for you. you didn't have to do it, you could've just made them suffer.

\---

Dear Mr ""Science Teacher"" Garcia,

How about a bad movie we can make fun of?

And yes, yes you do.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "History is Better Than Science" Spender.

ps true but i needed the caffeine.

\---

Dear Mr. ""History Teacher"" Spender, 

There are many of those, at least narrow it down. 

Fuck you, no I don't. These are false accusations. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah "At Least Science is Actually Useful" Garcia. 

ps you could've gotten some from the nearest local coffee shop.

\---

Dear Mr "Sugar is My Lifeblood" Garcia,

A Michael Bay movie?

Also, you literally stood at the counter for ten minutes whilst they added what amounted to about half a damn bottle of caramel syrup to your frappe thing.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "So's History" Spender.

ps ew no their coffee tastes like dirt.

\---

Dear Mr. “Will Die Without Caffeine One Day” Spender, 

Sounds good. 

That was one time, Spender. One time that we never mention. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah “Science is Cooler” Garcia. 

ps it’s still caffeine, idiot.

\---

Dear Mr "Will Die Without Sugar One Day" Garcia,

I'll bring the Transformers movies with me.

And yeah, sorry. But that doesn't change the fact your blood is about 90% sugar.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "History is More Interesting" Spender

ps fuck you i have standards. why do you think i chose you?

\---

Dear Mr. “Also Likes Sugar, So Has No Right To Judge Me” Spender, 

Why do you even own those? 

At least my blood isn’t 98% coffee. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah “History Can Go Fuck Itself” Garcia. 

ps you have standards? they must be quite low if you chose me.

\---

Dear Mr "My Patronus is a Sugar-High Squirrel" Garcia,

I originally bought them to give to one of our colleagues, then discovered they already owned them and that I had lost the reciept.

Also, touché.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "So Can Science" Spender.

ps no do not do that. you are miles better than what you believe. also fuck you.

\---

Dear Mr. “References Harry Potter Like a Nerd” Spender, 

Who the fuck wanted Transformers? Why would they want those? 

I’m assuming we’re even now? 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah “History is Extremely Boring” Garcia. 

ps i appreciate that, you sap. also, will do.

\---

Dear Mr "Actually Read Harry Potter Like a Nerd" Garcia,

It was a gag gift for Starchman, and yes.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "Science is Extremely Incomprehensible" Spender.

ps :)

\---

Dear Mr. “Everyone Read Harry Potter, You Can’t Judge Me On That” Spender, 

Oh my god, Spender. Why did he already own those movies???? 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah “Science Requires You to Actually Be Smart” Garcia. 

ps you’re still a sap.

\---

Dear Mr "Most People Only Watched The Movies" Garcia,

Honestly, I don't know. I think it's to torture the people he keeps for detention.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "History Requires You to Be Able to Think Original Thoughts" Spender.

ps takes one to know one.

\---

Dear Mr. “THEY MESSED UP SO MANY CHARACTERS IN THE MOVIES, THEY DON’T COUNT” Spender, 

That’s... actually not a bad idea. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah “Original Thoughts My Ass, Have You Ever Even Wondered About What’s Out Beyond Our Solar System?” Garcia. 

ps i’m not a sap, fuck you.

\---

Dear Mr "I'm Laughing So Hard Thinking About the Last Movie and All the Awkward Shit In It" Garcia,

I know, right? Wish I'd thought of it.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "I'm Too Busy Dealing With All the Shit On Earth To Wonder About the Shit Not On It" Spender.

ps i plan to.

\---

Dear Mr. “That Was So Bad I Died Watching It” Spender, 

Time to Amazon Prime some bad movies, can’t wait to see the reactions on the kids faces. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah “Okay, Fair, But What if You Have to Deal With The Shit Not On Earth Soon?” Garcia. 

ps oh my god, spender.

\---

Dear Mr "Daniel Radcliffe's Wooden Acting" Garcia,

You wouldn't.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "Not Again With the Impending Apocalypse Talk" Spender.

ps hey you started it.

\---

Dear Mr. “Ron Weasley’s Terrible Character Development” Spender, 

I would! Do you think Disney ripoffs would work? 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah “It Could Happen!” Garcia. 

ps i didn’t mean for it to continue.

\---

Dear Mr "Voldemort's Disturbing Hug Scene" Garcia,

Romcoms. The cheesier the better.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "That Doesn't Mean We Need To Talk About It Constantly" Spender.

ps too late :>

\---

Dear Mr. “Voldemort Awkwardly Hovering Over Dumbledore” Spender, 

Adam Sandler movies as well, no one can sit through those. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah “It’s An Important Topic!” Garcia. 

ps goddamnit.

\---

Dear Mr ""I Can Touch You!"" Garcia,

I can't even think about those without getting secondhand embarassment.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "NO IT ISN'T!" Spender.

ps :>

\---

Dear Mr. “Yeah You Can ;)” Spender 

Which one do you think would torture the kids the most? 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah “IT IS!!” Garcia. 

ps sigh. you’re lucky i like you.

\---

Dear Mr "It Isn't Torture, It's Education!" Garcia,

Punch-Drunk Love?

Also Liar Liar. It isn't a Sandler movie but good god Jim Carrey slaughters me with embarassment every time he's on screen.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "THERE ARE FAR MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT" Spender.

ps i really am.

\---

Dear Mr. “Dolores Umbridge” Spender, 

What about The Cat in The Hat? Would that be terrifying and weird enough for them? 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah “ALIENS CAN INVADE AT ANY MOMENT SPENDER THIS IS SERIOUS” Garcia. 

ps :)

\---

Dear Mr "Severus Snape" Garcia,

Which version?

Sincerely, Mr Richard "I'M LAUGHING SO HARD" Spender.

ps <3

\---

Dear Mr. “Are You Calling My Hair Greasy” Spender, 

The weird live action one. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah “WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING THIS IS SERIOUS MATTER SPENDER” Garcia.

ps <3

\---

Dear Mr "Not At All Darling" Garcia,

Oh God. That one.

 

Do it.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "I CAN'T BREATHE" Spender.

ps <3<3<3

\---

Dear Mr. "Good We Would Have a Small Problem There if You Did" Spender, 

Added to cart. Anything else? 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah "SPENDER I'M BEING SERIOUS HERE" Garcia. 

ps three hearts? wow, i must be amazing in order to get that many.   
pps <3<3<3<3

\---

Dear Mr "I Never Want a Small Problem With You" Garcia,

Twilight maybe? Do people still hate that?

Sincerely, Mr Richard "I KNOW AND IT'S KILLING ME" Spender.

ps you're worth it <3<3<3<3<3

\---

Dear Mr. "Noted" Spender, 

It might be a bit too old now, but I can add it anyway. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah "OH GODDAMNIT, YOU DICK" Garcia. 

ps oh my god. <3<3<3<3<3<3

\---

Dear Mr "I Love Space" Garcia,

If you're including TV shows put in Teen Titans Go.

Or wait, maybe don't. The kids might like that. Put in Blue's Clues or something instead.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "YOU TAUGHT ME WELL" Spender.

ps ;) <3<3<3<3<3<3<3]

\---

Dear Mr. "History Nerd" Spender, 

Blue's Clues wasn't a bad show. What about that Netflix show, Big Mouth? 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah "Why Do I Do These Things" Garcia. 

ps this is getting way too gay for emails. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

\---

Dear Mr "STARS N SHIT" Garcia,

Haven't watched it. What's it about?

Sincerely, Mr Richard "Because You Hate Yourself And Love Me" Spender.

ps only another 3ish hours and then we can actually gay face to face <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

\---

Dear Mr. "Cavemen Are Cool" Spender, 

It has the worst art style, and I've heard that it's bad. 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah "You Are Completely Correct, Thank You For Reminding Me" Garcia. 

ps but that's so loooong. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

\---

Dear Mr "Hey Excuse You It's 12th Century Asia That's Cool" Garcia,

Oh, well in that case absolutely.

Sincerely, Mr Richard "Happy to help :)" Spender.

ps i know but what can you do <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

\---

Dear Mr. "That's Oddly Specific, Why is That Time Period So Cool to You?" Spender, 

Perfect. Any others, or are we good? 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah "It's a Wonder On How I Kept My Job For This Long With This Terrible Memory" Garcia. 

ps well, i'll see you in three hours then. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

\---

Dear Mr "Because It's Interesting and There's All Kinds Of Cool Stuff In It" Garcia,

I think we're good for now. This list should

\---

Apologies for that, a student came in unexpectedly.

Anyway, as I was saying - this list should do us well for at least a few weeks >:)

Sincerely, Mr Richard "Because You're a Good Teacher" Spender.

ps see you then darling <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

\---

Dear Mr. "Convince Me Later" Spender, 

Great! They should come in soon then. >:)) 

Sincerely, Mr. Noah "Aw, Thanks For The Compliment" Garcia. 

ps <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

\---

Dear Mr "I'll Take You Up On That" Garcia,

Time to make the kids SUFFER >>:)

Sincerely, Mr Richard "No Problem" Spender.

ps ok this is getting too gay for other people to be around we should probably dial it back a little <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3


End file.
